Again?!

So, I was just about to post on our blog that we were pregnant with baby #4, but I wanted to wait for the first trimester to be over to make the announcement. Then, last week after some complications, it was confirmed by an ultrasound that the baby was only measuring 6 weeks (I should have been about 12 weeks) and there wasn't a heartbeat. Another missed miscarriage. I had an appointment at 8 1/2 weeks and I saw the fetus and what looked like the heartbeat flickering on a hand held ultrasound, so it must have happened soon afterward. I had felt pregnant (sick and tired) the whole time. The only indication something was wrong was the few days before the ultrasound...I started having lower back pain and some cramping that would not subside. No spotting, no other indication, other than the feeling that I just knew something was wrong. I just didn't think this would happen to me again.
This pregnancy had not been planned, it was a surprise, and I was due in the middle of December...so I just thought the Lord must have known we needed to have a baby at that time since that would probably be the last month on our list of possible birth dates. Now I feel bad feeling that way, but maybe the Lord knew that this was a trial I had agreed to go through and He knew that I would be able to handle it and it would be better to have it happen now rather than months from now (since I'm not getting any younger). I know that things happen for a reason and sometimes there are just trials we must face, I know I would have a much harder time if I had a stillborn or lost a baby even later in my pregnancy. I also have hope that we once again will get pregnant soon and hopefully that one will be a successful pregnancy. I just am grateful for an understanding of the gospel and our Heavenly Father's plan for us. I am also grateful for the opportunity to pray and feel the comfort and support from our Heavenly Father and his love for us during our trials. Life is not meant to be easy, it's meant for us to be tested, to see how we can improve and become more like Him. Although this was not a great experience to have to go through, it did cause me to once again turn to Him for help and that is always a good thing to remind myself of how much I am loved and how in need of Him I am.